Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
