so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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