did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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