Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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