i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Randomize
