You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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