sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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