The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
