Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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