Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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