Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
