Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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