Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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