I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
