He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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