I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
