Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
