It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
