real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
