That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Come share oat with me in your robe
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
