I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
being pregnant is like rehab
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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