Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
