After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
