just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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