Your tits are I can't wait for
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
