Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
