dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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