2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
