Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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