**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
