ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
