Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
