So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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