she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
