I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
