You smell like stripper and shame
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
