I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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