The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
