also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
