How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
