i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
