I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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