Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
