He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
