Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
