So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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