when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Is Oprah even human
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
