i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
