Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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