And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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