we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
