one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
