Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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