i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
the condom got lost in my hair
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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