So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
