We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My vagina is officially offended.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
