Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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