I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
